Getting off (or on) the couch

Oh the joys of trying to get the recommended amount of exercise into your day.

It took me years to finally haul my arse into a gym, and that was only because it was free with the levies I pay for my overpriced university education, so….not so much free then.

I know there are some of you that read this that have the common gym phobia. I understand. It’s real. I validate your feelings. The good news is, you don’t have to go to a gym to build exercise into your routine. (because you’ve probably never heard that right…)

There are plenty of fantastic ways to trick your body into physical activity. I shall propose some of these to you now:

Dance.

It doesn’t have to be skilled. Hell, it doesn’t even have to be pretty. Look at Napoleon Dynamite, he rocked the dance, moon boots and everything.

Have you ever put on music while you were alone at home and just danced? No? Do it! Seriously, if you just enjoy yourself you may not even realise you are burning daytime calories! (A term I just made up).

Less fun things to try:

Move furniture.

Better yet, move one child/flatmate’s room into another, then when they come home and totally freak out, run away! That’s two workouts in one! I haven’t personally been game enough to try this but I reckon it would be hilarious.

How about  a variation of a drinking game that med students play….

Watch an episode of Grey’s Anatomy/ER/Generic Medical Drama, and every time someone on the show hooks up in one of those conveniently empty call rooms, get on the floor and plank/prone hold (or drink a shot, your judgement call) Good luck with this one, there is a lot of hooking up on these shows. Just out of interest, does that ever really happen? Do our good doctors and nurses have such large gaps in their days that they are able to rush off to the nearest ‘on call’ room to shag each other? SHOULD they be shagging each other? Email me with the answer to this, I am genuinely interested.

ANYWAY…

While we are on the subject of spontaneous nookie, THAT is an awesome way to ‘get a workout’. I’m not talking about the half drunk passive aggressive type of sex, but the sweaty, 5 positions type. It’s genuinely good for you! Burns calories, boosts endorphins, stretches limbs (if you do it right) benefits both of you, and is a really good way to connect with your significant other! Just saying.

I mean look, you can go for a run. There’s no payment required for that, but really, why would you want to run when you can ‘rumble’ 😉

If money isn’t the problem, how about a yoga class? (it doesn’t count as the gym, there are no weights.)Trust me there is nothing easy about yoga. If the physical side of it doesn’t challenge you, the mental side of it certainly will. It is a beautiful, fun way to learn more about what your awesome body is actually capable of.

If you do enjoy getting outside, and own a dog but running isn’t your ‘thing’ try finding a hill to walk up instead of your usual route. Like, a suburban hill. It’s really hard work, and your whole body will feel it. Yeah, you’ll need a bit more motivation than some of the other options (well, depending how you rate walking verses the sex) but you can walk for a shorter amount of time than on the flat, and the view is often worth it. Just think of the braggy instagram photos you can take! You can even lie and say you ran up the hill, no-one will know.

You too could look like this...
You too could look like this…

I have an overweight cat and a small hedgehog, so I’m going up those hills alone.

Finally, go to the mall. Go to the mall and DON’T stop at the food court. Shopping is basically walking. Depending on the limits of your wallet, you could be ‘walking’ for hours! Benefits include shoes, new jeans, unnecessary beauty products, and of course the actual walking. There may even be a small spot of running if you catch the eye of one of those ‘mediterranean magical moisturiser’ stands that leach onto the unsuspecting customer and attempt to convince old ladies that they will look just like the 19 year old sales people if they just spend $435 on the eye cream. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

The key is to have fun. Combine the whole lot if you are really ambitious..

Have sex on the couch, move it into a different room, then watch Grey’s Anatomy and plank, after which you can take the dog for a walk up the hill and return, get in the car, and go to the mall.

You may need a smaller pair of jeans though 😉

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5 Comments Add yours

  1. Paardje says:

    LOL! 😀

    Like

  2. Michelle says:

    You know the ‘spontaneous nookie’ you mentioned? Well just between you and me a few early mornings of snuggling up to hubby *might’ve* been just so I could get out of going for a run. (TOTALLY WORKED.) With fringe benefits of sexy couple-ness / endorphin shots / a much more fun workout…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. GOOD on you!!!!! I love it! “procrastination ‘nookie” I must use this!

      Like

      1. Michelle says:

        Procrastinookie!! It’s a thing now.

        Like

  3. It’s a GLORIOUS thing!!

    Like

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