99 bottles of beer on the wall….

One evening after dinner, but before all the kids were down for the night, James and I had a beer. Okay, a bourbon and coke. Okay two. We sat there, and smiled at each other. James looked at his drink, then at me, then at the room where the kids were hanging out. “Wouldn’t parenting…

No really, I’m totally qualified..

Well that was a Debbie Downer. Let’s be honest though, I knew it would say this. I’m pretty sure I’ve talked about impostor syndrome in an earlier post but I can’t be bothered doing that thing where I look through all my old posts, become distracted by how crap they are, spend 4 hours trying to…

Boys Will Be Boys

Although my posts are usually written in a humorous vein, it is near impossible to do so for this post. I hate the words “trigger warning” however this is a post about sensitive subjects: Sexual assault, the navigation of feminine body, and what I learned about the male gaze. It is also posted in The Feminine Section. …

How to adult (and other fantasies)

All I wanted to be when I was young was a grown-up. It looked like they were having a fundamentally better time. Despite proving myself academically in my latter years, high school and I never had much of a romantic relationship. I had a theory:  math and science classes were designed to melt my brain…

Dirty Expectations.

I imagine it was probably 1988. We were about 7 or 8 at the time. There was a movie that played on television, and all the kids were talking about it. Ok, the girls were. Ok, one of them was. She was the rebel kid who I was part scared of, and part in awe…

At least I packed the booze: A family Holiday.

I know. I shouldn’t complain. Complaining will make me sound like a giant asshole. But, this is day three and I have nearly run out of bourbon, so. We are on holiday. In New Zealand, this is the last set of school holidays they have before the break up (and out) for the year. It’s…

The Orange Shirt of Adulthood.

I have a pretty good arse. It’s okay to say it. And, if that sentence makes you uncomfortable, here is a picture of a puppy. You can just stare at that while I keep writing. As a teenager (like, the short time before I went full motherhood) I liked to wear an assortment of clothing…

Oh The Redundancy

This may be the most boring post on this blog. I mean, even the title makes you want to skip ahead. Next please. But if by some kindness, or affinity for my ramblings, you are still reading, Cheers. The part about the title? Well, I’m glad you asked. I am referring to the name of…

The nineties to now – the brief confessions of a coffee snob.

I am genuinely surprised that my husband will still offer to go out for coffee with me. I have become the most pain-in-the-arse coffee date imaginable. I’m not entirely sure how this evolved. I never used to care all that much about coffee quality or cafe ambience.  The idea that ‘the tables are too plasticy’…

You are doing great. Please pass the mashed potato.

Do you know which words I can never hear enough of? “Well done, excellent job.” Those 4 words serve as a warm blanket wrapped around me on a crapper of a day. Maybe it’s that those words soothe my oft-depleted ego. Maybe it’s that I have a fear of letting people down, and so hearing…

Ipods and agenda.

When I was 15, I took a test. Turns out I passed; I had succeeded in pregnancy. The prospect of my impending parenthood was evidently far more scary for the grownups around me than it ever was for me personally. I guess I had an adolescent unformed pre-frontal cortex to thank for that. I imagine…